Update: 46,000 and Counting…

Al-Jezeera  reported this an hour ago (February 19). That’s where the death count in southeast Turkey and the northwest corner of Syria stands today. Two weeks ago, a 7.8  earthquake devastated the area, opening cracks in the earth, taking down buildings and crushing everything below. It looks like 9/11 x 10 with rescue and recovery made even more difficult by a civil war, lack of access, blocked border crossings, snow, and freezing temperatures. Every day the death toll increases, but rescue teams are still uncovering live victims from beneath the piles of rebar and blocks of concrete left in the quake’s aftermath. One million living in UN-supplied tents on the Turkish side. Aid blocked to the Syrian side.

In 2017 I wrote about Mohammed “Med” Malandi (https://www.jackbernardstravels.com/ordinary-people/) a young Syrian refugee I met in Berlin. I told the story of his harrowing escape and journey across Turkey, to Greece, then on to Macedonia, Serbia, Hungary, Austria and finally to Germany. Med was one of the lucky few. In 2018 he was granted asylum and the right to work in Germany. His brother, Hussein, landed in the Netherlands, but their parents stayed in Idlib – one of the few remaining rebel-controlled, Assad-fighting areas in the northwest corner of Syria.

This is the picture I posted of Idlib in 2017 as Assad and Putin were attacking the last remaining rebel enclaves. Amazingly, the rebels have been able to hang on with ragtag support from the FSA (Free Syrian Army) and limited military and humanitarian efforts by Turkey, the US, and European allies. This is where Med’s family is still living.

I wrote more of his miraculous story in 2020 (https://www.jackbernardstravels.com/is-your-luck-holding/). Today I’m writing about him again.

This is an aerial photo taken somewhere in the earthquake zone on Tuesday:

When I checked in with a close friend in Berlin yesterday, she told me Med’s family is OK despite the earthquake and a bitter cold snowy winter, but “the many homeless people and destruction around them is an enormous challenge….there had been constant bombing during the last times from Putin and Assad that threatened their lives also , then the cold, snowy weather now…a complete disaster …and no help yet coming in …all you can do from here is donate- and hope, very hard to stand!

It’s difficult to imagine what “OK” might look like. There were no high-rise buildings left in Idlib for the earthquake to destroy. The Russians and Syrian forces had already destroyed them. Most of the remaining residents are living in basements or temporary shelters.

When I asked about humanitarian aid and organizations to support, Med advised “that all international help goes through Assad’s hands and so you don’t know where it goes at the end. Because of the sanctions the regime is in need for money…nothing goes into region of Idlib…a nightmare for everyone who has to live there…” but for anyone wanting to donate he recommends www.whitehelmets.org and this other organization, https://instagram.com/molhamteam?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Med is a political cartoonist. This is his self-portrait. It haunts me. I know he’s safe now, but his family is not and there are literally millions of families like Med’s who are not safe–victims of the earthquake, victims of Putin’s murderous war in Ukraine, people without homes or countries to call their own. It calls for compassion, something that seems in short supply in our chaotic world. This is a call to action. I ask you to be your best self and lend a hand if you can. There are many options. I’m giving to White Helmets. They’re already onsite, but UNHCR, Save the Children, Red Cross, Red Crescent and World Central Kitchen are reliable alternatives. Think how you would feel if you were huddling under a thin blanket in Idlib. That’s how I’m thinking about it.

Dry January…

Two days until the end of my Dry January…

On Friday night a friend asked me why I wasn’t drinking at our granddaughter’s birthday celebration. I deflected. The answer is complicated but it’s about gratitude… and grace. Here’s the story.

Marilynn and I have “cocktail hour” almost every night. We’ve set that time aside to be together without an agenda. It’s our little ritual. We continued it during Dry January. M still had her glass of wine but I went dry. I’m looking forward to the taste of my first Rangpur Tanqueray martini on Wednesday (recipe on request), but I chose to observe Dry January as a reminder that alcohol almost killed me once and how grateful I am that it didn’t. 

It happened one night as I was driving my motor scooter home after a law school keg party. I was gonzo and it was raining hard when I ran into a car backing up Alcatraz Avenue in Berkeley. I don’t know why she was backing up the street, but I went over my handlebars, over her car, and landed in the bed of a pickup truck parked on the side of the road. I woke up the next morning in the hospital. A week later I was in the Oakland jail. No serious injuries but the motor scooter was totaled and I was dealing with a DUI. The judge had never seen a motor scooter DUI so he downgraded it to “drunk in and about a vehicle.” I credit grace for my survival, but maybe it was just dumb luck.

Anyway, that’s the reason I am observing Dry January, but it’s only part of the reason for this post. The other part is that if I hadn’t survived I wouldn’t have the life I have today. I wouldn’t have two of my children or grandchildren. I wouldn’t have had Marilynn’s love and companionship, or the extraordinary friendships and adventures that have made my life what it is today. Yet, despite those positives, I’m acutely aware of my foreshortened future. It feels like every day I am reminded of mortality. It doesn’t diminish the gratitude I feel. It probably enhances it, but it’s double edged. There are red flags everywhere. 

  • It began two years ago when my friend, Hugh, a sailor, cyclist and world class marine scientist died of ALS aka Lou Gehrig’s Disease less than a year after his diagnosis. We used to play guitars together.
  • Then last year my former wife, a successful artist/printmaker, was admitted to a memory care facility in Idaho. 
  • And, this past December my friend Suzy had a heart attack and died unexpectedly in the restroom of a hair salon. She ran the Illinois and Washington state film offices while raising quadruplets as a single mother. 
  • Also in December my friend, Michael, a musician, actor, painter, and potter was admitted to a memory care facility with Lewy Body Dementia, an Alzheimer’s-like disease that robbed him of his memory.
  • Then on January 6, I got word that Eric, a fellow Marine and friend from law school days, died of Parkinson’s/dementia in a Vermont Veterans’ Home.
  • And, again on January 6, a former Navy pilot buddy and distinguished botany professor, disclosed he’s terminal and considering a Death with Dignity option.

These reminders of age and mortality break my heart, but my pain is nothing compared to that felt by their families. Beyond my circle of friends, the world is a mess. War. Climate disasters. Unregulated guns. Racism. Greed. Famine. Boneheads and bad actors in positions of power. And yet, my life is good. I scream at the TV and feel powerless. Yet, I believe that if I treat people with respect and kindness my life and theirs will be better. At least it won’t make things worse.

My mother died the month her bank account went to zero. Timing is everything. M and I think about that. We’ll be OK, but you never know how long you will live or if some calamity might drain what’s left. It’s a small problem all things considered.

At this point, I miss skiing and our European bike trips but it comes with the territory. M and I argue about how to load the dishwasher and sometimes worry about falling at night on our way to the bathroom. These are the small problems we’re dealing with. On the other hand, she’s currently advising a senior healthcare client whose facility was acquired by a rapacious private equity firm, and I’m still writing this blog and working on the Great American Short Story. We’re reading, writing, streaming, cooking and going to the gym. We’re busy and engaged in the continuum of life, but truth to tell I can’t wait for the end of Dry January on Wednesday.

A Rangpur Tanqueray martini in a frosted glass, up, with two stuffed Spanish olives please!

America: Listen to Your Poets…

I have not so much emulated the birds that musically sing,

I have abandoned myself to flights, broad circles.

The hawk, the seagull, have far more possess’d me than the canary or mockingbird.

I have not felt to warble and trill however sweetly,

I have felt to soar in freedom and in the fullness of power, joy, volition.

Walt Whitman, Old Age Echoes from Leaves of Grass

At end of each year the winter solstice and family birthdays remind me we’re at the end of something and the beginning of something else – a convergence of old and new – things to celebrate and things to ponder. Time to review the passing year and reset for the what’s coming.

It may be age or the passing of friends but this year’s review feels different. Mine is a lamentation on America and Americans. Who are we and where are we going? Last year a friend sent me a book titled America, We Call Your Name which included the following in the introduction:

America, listen to what your poets are saying. Are we the corrosive, racist, authoritarian regime that the 2016 election brought to power, or are we a democracy, that fragile, imperfect form of government that must be constantly guarded in the struggle for equality and freedom?

It made me think of poets, past and present, who have shared their wisdom about the American experience. Poets are slow, deliberate and focused. They choose their words carefully for meaning  affect and power. They are artists but also problem solvers. I thought of Whitman, and the 100-year-old leather bound edition of Leaves of Grass given to me by my “Danish grandmother” whose father bequeathed it to her.

And I thought of Emily Dickinson, William Carlos Williams, Wallace Stevens, Robert Frost, and my teacher, Theodore Roethke—a recluse, a doctor, an insurance executive, an unsuccessful farmer and a bipolar English professor—all exceptional poets—and their successors Stanley Kunitz, Billy Collins, Jane Hirshfield, Amanda Gorman and the musical poets, Dylan, Springsteen and Paul Simon.

A poet friend recently suggested I listen to Malcolm Gladwell’s audiobook Miracle and Wonder: Conversations with Paul Simon where they explore Simon’s songwriting process. I was particularly taken by the origin of his song, America. Such an innocent wistful evocation of what I often feel these days and the reason I settled on this subject for my year-end essay.

 

Kathy, I’m lost, I said, though I knew she was sleeping.

I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why

Counting the cares on the New Jersey Turnpike

They’ve all come to look for America

All come to look for America

All come to look for America.

Vietnam, 9/11, Donald Trump and January 6 have stripped away the innocence of Whitman and Frost and left us with soul-searching questions about who we are as a nation and a people. I ask myself almost daily how the electorate that chose an inspiring African American to be its president in 2008 could follow by electing a sociopath ignorant of America’s history and institutions eight years later. I will probably never understand what prevents Congress from enacting legislation to address gun violence or the reform of immigration laws to address the crisis at our southern border. I ask myself why and how the Supreme Court could ignore strictures of the 14th Amendment and became an agent for political implementation rather than arbiter of Constitutional legality. How could a rampant virus become a polarizing political cudgel?

I hear strident voices but don’t see any bipartisan solutions to these concerns. Aren’t we the same people the Founders were talking about when they stated, “We the People of the United States,” in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States.” The same imperfect founders who “held that all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?” 

It may be that we should pay less attention to pundits and more to our poets for inspiration and motivation.

Last year seven local writers, all women and all retired from professional careers, published a book called Writing While Masked: Observations on 2020. It included calendars, diary entries, poems, essays, stories and other reflections culled from a year of isolation and Zoom gatherings during the pandemic. They are concerned citizens seeking understanding and solutions. The book was self-published but found a wide circulation and this year Washington State University Press picked it up and republished it as Writing While Masked: Observations on 2020 and Beyond adding the adverbial clause.

Like Paul Simon, the last few years have left many of us looking for America—the America we grew up in or thought we knew as we were growing up, the America I fought for, the America that declared its independence and set the standard for democracy with its new Constitution in 1789.  

That’s the modern America Amanda Gorman celebrated with her 2021 inauguration poem. No pollyanna optimism, just a new generation poet with wisdom to share:

The Hill We Climb 

When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade?

The loss we carry. A sea we must wade.

We braved the belly of the beast.

We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace, and the norms and notions of what “just” is isn’t always justice.

And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it.

Somehow we do it.

Somehow we weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished.

We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president, only to find herself reciting for one.

And, yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect.

We are striving to forge our union with purpose.

To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

And so we lift our gaze, not to what stands between us, but what stands before us.

We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside.

We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another.

We seek harm to none and harmony for all.

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true.

That even as we grieved, we grew.

That even as we hurt, we hoped.

That even as we tired, we tried.

That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.

Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Scripture tells us to envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid.

If we’re to live up to our own time, then victory won’t lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we’ve made.

That is the promise to glade, the hill we climb, if only we dare.

It’s because being American is more than a pride we inherit.

It’s the past we step into and how we repair it.

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation, rather than share it.

Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.

And this effort very nearly succeeded.

But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated.

In this truth, in this faith we trust, for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us.

This is the era of just redemption.

We feared at its inception.

We did not feel prepared to be the heirs of such a terrifying hour.

But within it we found the power to author a new chapter, to offer hope and laughter to ourselves.

So, while once we asked, how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe, now we assert, how could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?

We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be: a country that is bruised but whole, benevolent but bold, fierce and free.

We will not be turned around or interrupted by intimidation because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation, become the future.

Our blunders become their burdens.

But one thing is certain.

If we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy and change our children’s birthright.

So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left.

Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one.

We will rise from the golden hills of the West.

We will rise from the windswept Northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution.

We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states.

We will rise from the sun-baked South.

We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover.

And every known nook of our nation and every corner called our country, our people diverse and beautiful, will emerge battered and beautiful.

When day comes, we step out of the shade of flame and unafraid.

The new dawn balloons as we free it.

For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it.

If only we’re brave enough to be it.

Anti-Semitic Fever Dream

The two 4-inch square brass plaques in the photo below are stolpersteine (“stumbling stones” in German). They are embedded in the sidewalk in front of my former apartment at 14 Ruhlaerstrasse in Berlin. Edith and Willy Lindenberg lived there until November 11, 1941 when they were deported to a concentration camp in Minsk (Belarus) and murdered simply because they were Juden (Jewish). The plaques are part of the stolpersteine project created in 1992 by German artist Gunter Deming.

The plaques are to commemorate the victims and remind all who “stumble” across them of the Nazi’s “final solution”– to obliterate all “racially inferior” non-Aryans. They are placed in front of the last known residences of those deported and murdered during the Holocaust. As of 2019 there were more than 75,000 stolpersteine in 1200 locations in Western Europe.

I left Berlin in 1986, and the stolpersteine in the photo were not installed until later, but when I “stumbled” across them in 2017 I was shocked to learn I had lived in the same building they occupied.  The Lindenberg stolpersteine served their purpose, alerting me to the fact that these horrors occurred in my neighborhood in my lifetime…possibly in my own apartment. They are not relics of the past. They are also to remind us of the current dangers posed by hate-filled animus.

*****

There are no stolpersteine in America. We have a Holocaust Museum on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. to remind us of that terrible epoch, but hate-fueled anti-Semitism is percolating again in the United States.

On October 27, 2018 a man shouting racial slurs and armed with an AR-15 assault rifle opened fire inside Pittsburgh’s Tree of Life Synagogue  killing eleven and wounding six, including some Holocaust survivors.

And two days before Thanksgiving this year, Americans saw anti-Semitism on display at Mar-a-Lago when our twice-impeached former president hosted Kanye West aka Ye and his friend Nick Fuentes, a well-known anti-Semite and white supremacist for dinner. The same former president who announced his intention to run for the office again in 2024. 

Who knows the root cause of this curious symbiosis? Trump and Kanye; two sociopaths who should hate each other have found common cause. Like cornered rats, the race-baiting white supremacist and the white-hating Black wannabe have formed an un-holy alliance in their insatiable need to be centers of attention. The result is a fever dream grounded in anti-Semitism—perhaps the last installment in the sad but dangerous saga of the disgraced, twice-impeached former president and his deranged hip-hop limpet.

Like fish out of water, Donald and Kanye are gasping for air. They can’t live without the noxious gas of public attention. So, as the public loses interest and they feel themselves fading from view, their desperation is front and center. Nothing bothers a star-struck narcissist more than discovering no one cares. Call him a loser and he lashes out… ignore him and he fizzles like a popped balloon.

The Mar-a-Lago trio doesn’t deserve our attention, but their unquenchable need for headlines compels us to address the bigger problem—anti-Semitism—a grievance fueled animus grounded in millennia of religious hatred. Looking for someone to blame? Jews have always provided an easy target. Persecuted for centuries, envied for their achievements, driven from their homes and homelands, resurgent in their successes, Jews have survived purges, Crusades, Inquisitions, expulsions, Catholic Church excoriations, Stalinist pogroms, and “the final solution.”

We know Jesus drove the moneychangers from the temple; “My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.” Yet, in an ironic reversal the Jews, his tribe, became reviled as usurers and financial predators.

For most of my life, anti-Semitism was lurking just beneath the surface. My generation knew it was there but was righteously proud of its achievements in the civil and voting rights movements. We hoped these measures would address all types of discrimination including anti-Semitism. But Trump gave these groups oxygen and in August of 2017, the first year of his presidency, emboldened neo-Nazis marched through Charlottesville, Virginia, carrying Tiki torches and chanting “Jews will not replace us.” It was a classic white supremacist call to action, after which Trump blithely noted that “there were fine people on both sides.” Once again anti-Semitism and white supremacy were back in the mainstream of American politics.

Today Fox News commentators, rightwing groups, and elected officials like Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Lauren Boebert are attacking American “elites” for supporting “Great Replacement” theory, wherein non-white populations will “replace” the ethnically dominant white population. It’s the latest dog whistle iteration of “Jews will not replace us.”

Anti-Semitism continues today, but it’s not just as an American problem. France, Germany, Hungary, Russia, the UK and South Africa have experienced continuing incidents. In 1947 the Jewish diaspora reclaimed part of its original homeland to establish the nation of Israel but in the process displaced a large population in Arab Palestine. Discrimination doesn’t always run one-way. Remember, Arabs are Semitic people too.

I know my efforts to understand and raise awareness won’t make much difference, but I’m thinking of the song “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” written by two Jewish composers, Rodgers and Hammerstein, for their 1949 musical South Pacific. It was intended to address the racial issues faced by a mixed-race couple but  its message is relevant to discrimination of any sort:

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught from year to year,
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear—
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade—
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate—
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

According to the Anti-Defamation League, 2021 was the highest year on record for documented reports of harassment, vandalism and violence directed against Jews. The watchdog group has tracked these incidents since 1979, and it says 2022 will look a lot like last year. (NPR 12/1/2022).

In addition, anti-Asian, anti-black, anti-Latinx, anti-Muslim, and anti-LGBTQ hate crimes are at an all-time high. As of November 28, 2022 there had been 611 mass shootings this year.

All of these incidents are related, but Anti-Semitism has more of my attention now, because I’m reading the autobiography of my friend’s uncle who emigrated from Vienna in the 1930s when National Socialists were starting to confiscate property and persecute Jewish families. It’s similar in tone to The Hare with Amber Eyes, a history of the Ephrussi banking family, one of the richest in Europe, whose property was confiscated and most of whom lost their lives at Dachau or Auschwitz. This is part of the history many school boards In America are trying to rewrite by banning books they believe cast an unfavorable light on history as white Christians want it to be.

For the record, my family is not Jewish but because of two incidents my life, I have a heightened awareness of anti-Semitism. The first occurred in elementary school when my parents told me I could not play with my black friend, Corky White, or my Jewish neighbors, Kenny Waldbaum and Ronnie Saul. The second was when I shared a house with a group of newly hired Pan Am pilots on Long Island who made disparaging anti-Semitic comments about our neighbors. I asked them to knock it off, because I found it personally offensive. Fifty-five years later some of them still wish me Happy Hanukkah annually. 

Mounting Losses…

I often think, even in difficult times, that optimism is baked into our DNA–but confronted with end-of-life issues I waver. There are so many possible tragic endings…in fiction and in life. From Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina’s throwing herself in front of the oncoming train, to the brilliant actor Chadwick Boseman’s secretive death from colon cancer at age 43, life shows us the unpredictability of our endings. Sherwin Nuland, the physician/writer, reminds us in his book, How We Die: Reflections on Life’s Final Chapter that most of us mythologize that chapter, hoping and imagining a quiet slumber from which we never wake. “There is a vast literature on death and dying,” but rarely does it dwell on the ugly details.

When I was young, death was way over the horizon. As a 22-year-old fighter pilot it was something that happened to other people. Faulty equipment, bad weather, or someone else’s mistake could trigger an accident, but even then with “the right stuff” death wasn’t in the cards. If we trained hard, ate right and didn’t do anything stupid everything would be fine. Now, with a foreshortened future, that’s all in the rearview mirror. It may be something else that’s baked into our DNA.

My friend, Michael, is a case in point. An Übermensch—musician, actor, painter, potter, and tropical fish savant—he is one of the most engaging and talented people I’ve ever known. Handsome, artistic, accomplished, funny, and an exemplary husband, father and friend.

He and my former wife, both talented painters, met when they were art majors at UCLA. But, Michael was also a musician, and while still in school he formed a folk duo called The Other Singers with his friend Tom Drake. They began playing West LA bars and clubs, and in short order were discovered by talent scouts from Doug Weston’s Troubadour. It was the heyday of the folk revival, and the Troubadour was the hottest showcase for new talent on the West Coast. Mike and Tom shared the mainstage with Linda Ronstadt, Jackson Browne, Buffalo Springfield, the Byrds and The Eagles. I saw them recently on a poster in the Linda Ronstadt documentary, The Sound of My Voice.

While they were still playing the Troubadour, Andy Williams asked them to form a larger group he called The Good Time Singers, for his TV show. That gig lasted until his career took a different turn when his brother Jim, an actor on ABC’s One Life to Live, wanted out of his contract and thought Mike might be able to help. The brothers look alike, so Jim pitched ABC on Michael as his replacement. ABC bought it and agreed to write Jim out and Mike in by creating an auto accident that put Dr. Larry Wolek (Jim’s character) in the hospital where urgent surgical repair altered his visage slightly. Mike took over Jim’s role and stayed with the series for 20 years.

But, Michael was always resourceful and creative. When he was a pre-teen his father moved the family to England, where they knew no one. Before enrolling at an English public (private) school, his parents worried he would be seen as an outsider, an American interloper. They shouldn’t have worried. Michael was a bridge-builder. On his first day, he took a deck of cards to school and during lunch regaled his English classmates with card tricks and sleight of hand. By the end of the day he was the most popular kid in school.

In one of life’s cruel pivots, an insidious protein began depositing itself in Michael’s brain twelve years ago. When memory lapses alarmed the family they consulted a neurologist. The diagnosis, Lewy body dementia, is a cousin of Alzheimer’s. The invading protein changed Michael’s brain chemistry and brought on more than memory lapses. There were also disruptive disease-related hallucinations. Last month his wife Sally and daughter Maggie knew they could no longer give him the care he needed and moved him to a memory care facility. Invasion of the Lewy body brain snatchers.

For Mike, Sally, and Maggie the change is life altering. For me, his situation is sad and confusing. He’s lost to me in some ways but not in others. I’m trying to keep him present. I keep replaying old tapes of things we’ve done. Lunch at a little Cuban place on Columbus Avenue. Visiting their home in Dobbs Ferry. Playing guitars in our little garden in St. Tropez. Waiting for Mick and Bianca to emerge from the Hotel de Ville after their wedding vows. Here’s is a picture Mike took that day.

You can tell, I’m struggling with endings. Dying of “natural causes” seems benign but has a cruelty all its own. Alzheimer’s and its cousins don’t kill like brain cancer or a heart attack. If there’s a difference between a bullet and a slow-acting poison, is one more cruel? I don’t know. I just know the losses are mounting.

Sally tells me that until recently Mike and Jim were still getting together to play guitars and sing. I marvel that the brain, even a damaged one, can still grant this gift. I hope the brothers will be able to keep playing in Mike’s new home. I plan to play and sing along to The Other Singers CD as a way to feel like we’re all together again.

But everything is new. Sally is moving into a mother-in-law apartment at Maggie’s, where Maggie and her kids, Jack and Ella, will welcome and care for her. But she and Michael were each other’s life support and soulmates for more than 50 years. I can’t imagine how that will feel? 

The rational me thinks this is all for the best, but the other me hopes Michael can pull off a Houdini-like escape from Lewy body prison. He’s had so many incarnations. Is there one last card trick up his sleeve?

When I close my eyes I can hear him strumming softly in that little garden in St. Tropez. It sounds like Swing Low Sweet Chariot…

https://open.spotify.com/artist/3XhZbOiuOqjXtsA3Td2uIr